Why do we feel so much pressure to find a partner, especially as a woman? We think we’ve failed if we have not settled down by our mid-thirties, are not raising a family, or have not been asked to marry at least once in our lives. We get asked questions about why we are still single at 40 years old. Or why we haven’t found a new partner yet years after a breakup or divorce.
Being alone as a woman often gets frowned upon. Especially in male-dominated cultures where women heavily rely on men. Women are told they are weak and vulnerable and need the protection of males.
But throughout all of history, women have broken free from the shackles of that type of society. Countless men have tried to suppress feminine power in various ways, but women have always come out stronger.
“The great problem of our time is that we do not understand what is happening to the world. We seek reason, but we must seek the soul — and the soul is feminine.” — Carl Jung
The witches were burnt because men couldn’t handle their wisdom. Female bodies in the Middle East are being covered in burqas, mainly to not provoke men. All over the world, women have been, and continue to be, seen as less.
But the Wise Woman archetype has never been defeated. So why is it still so hard (and in some places even dangerous) to be alone as a woman?
The power of solitude
According to Jung, the path to Individuation (the full embodiment of the Self) includes a period of solitude. In this time, we can do deep inner work, come back fully to ourselves and to our essence.
It’s where we meet our shadows and learn about who we are, without relying on somebody else. This period is not easy. After all, we are so wired for connection that we will always long for that.
But when we fully embrace that aloneness, a magnetic force greater than anything arises.
I am not talking about the moments you are waiting for the next partner, and you feel lonely. I mean that deliberate decision to take time off from dating, from sex, and from being in a relationship.
The gift of being solitary
When you are forced into solitude because your partner breaks up with you or because you can’t seem to find love, know that this is the first step to a profound inner power. Here you will find the time to break away from societal norms and delve deep into your own psyche.
Being solitary is the gift of purification to release old patterns. It’s a moment to discover your creativity, wisdom, and intuition.
For me, this period came after a tough breakup with one of my soulmates. I had never loved someone so deeply, and never felt a pain so profound when it was over. Especially because he was the ultimate mirror.
I knew I had to go deep inside myself this time, and not take the easy way out and immediately find someone new.
Two years of solitude
It was the first time in my life that I had no interest whatsoever in any other man. I am usually a person who likes male attention, but this time I was repelling it.
No man dared to come close to me, and even if they tried, I was genuinely not interested. I was on such a profound inner journey that I needed all that time for myself.
I started doing shadow work and discovered parts of myself that I had repressed for a very long time. I held my inner child and saw clearly where that deep desire for (external) validation came from.
Nature was my biggest friend in that period. Whenever I felt like I couldn’t handle it anymore, I would take my mountain bike and find a place to meditate in nature. Mother Earth never let me down.
My solitude from men lasted for a good two years.
The turn-around
And then, something interesting started happening. Many people sense a rare magnetism around women who walk alone. I wasn’t doing anything in particular, but men were drawn to me out of nowhere.
There is something curious about magnetism: it comes when your frequency starts aligning with who you truly are, not when you seek external validation.
After all, everything is energy, and energy has its own invisible rules. When my frequency changed to no longer needing anyone to be happy, I started pulling men in who subconsciously felt that.
This is the paradox: when a woman no longer needs connection, she becomes more magnetic.
Projection vs. attraction
Jung says this: projection pulls us towards people (especially when we need to learn lessons), but individuation refines who we attract. We no longer send out the signal of codependency, where we rely on somebody else to feel fulfilled.
Instead, healthy independence creates a field for deeper connection. A solitary woman will draw partners in who match her depth because she has already faced her shadow.
Anybody else who is looking for external validation will naturally be repelled by her. And others feel that. Those types of women carry a magnetic auric field around them, and people will be drawn to that.
When soulmates show up
Without inner work, love quickly becomes toxic and chaotic. After all, we often project onto our partners what we fail to see in ourselves. But when you have a period of solitude, you have no one to project onto but yourself.
You will start seeing that everybody is a reflection of you, and that every trigger carries a deep lesson. And once you have mastered that, relationships become something else.
You start drawing people in from resonance, and not from a place of fear or lack. And this is an incredible power to have.
That is the moment soulmates show up. They are literally being drawn into your field. Wherever you are on your inner journey, they will reflect that back at you (and those can be tough lessons as well!).
You cannot fake magnetism
There is no shortcut to achieving this type of magnetism. Women who have walked alone embody a deep clarity, depth, and mystery. And this mystery cannot be faked. It comes from inner alignment, and you can only achieve that when you have done the work.
People often confuse magnetism with manipulation, but true magnetism is far from manipulation. A magnetic woman embodies authenticity and presence, and a manipulative woman merely tries to always get what she wants.
A manipulative woman cannot be alone; after all, she needs constant external validation. And solitude does the opposite: it strips you of all illusions and awakens inner authority.
Are you alone right now?
Aloneness is very different from loneliness. Feeling lonely is a horrible feeling, and I have been there many times as well. But being alone by choice is completely different.
If you are alone right now, take this time as your initiation into yourself. Meet your inner child, your shadows, and your true femininity. It’s not a punishment; it’s the start of your journey back to yourself. And this journey is so sacred.
Connect with nature — Mother Earth will never let you be lonely. There is so much wisdom and growth in solitude; surrender to it, and stop looking for a partner for a while.
When does a soulmate come?
Your soulmate will be attracted to you when the time is right. They are probably also doing their own solitary journey right now to prepare for you.
I know how hard it is to wait for that moment. I had been waiting for six years, always hoping the next guy might finally be it. But now, looking back on it, I was never ready.
I met men who were mirrors to my own behavior and who brought new lessons every time. And once you see that, the power is unreal.
Real connections
Now that I know who I truly am, I don’t settle for less any longer. My solitude has taught me that I don’t need anyone to be happy. I need my own integrity and authenticity.
The truth is, the more whole we become within ourselves, the more profound our connections with others will be. Solitude makes us tap into those powerful connections because we recognize them in others as well.
You will realize that we are all connected, no matter if it’s physically or spiritually. You stop searching outside and will find within what you’ve always been looking for.
When the wise woman awakens within you, the need for approval dissolves, and in its place rises a deep knowing: you are already the one you were waiting for.
And exactly when we stop searching and waiting is when the right person will show up.
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I love the idea that a woman who enjoys her own company isn’t waiting for someone to complete her life. She’s already built one she enjoys!
My daughter is 45 and shares this exact perspective, and I admire that about her. There’s something wonderfully liberating about companionship being a choice rather than a necessity.
Although I suspect a woman who doesn’t need rescuing can be a little intimidating to a man who fancies himself Prince Charming! 😂
You captured that independence so beautifully, turning solitude into something to celebrate rather than something to explain. Wonderful perspective! 🌸